Telegram Miniaturization

Sometimes, when I get bored in the print shop, I ride the creaky old freight elevator down, down, down to the spooky, gloomy basement where 100 years of unwanted junk [treasures] sit, dust covered, waiting for re-discovery. It is in this very basement, several years ago, that I found my printing presses.

The spooky, gloomy basement.

The spooky, gloomy basement.

The other day, I finished up my printing work early and, armed with only a flashlight, made my way down into the basement to search for treasures. What I found astounded me!

It was a machine about the size and shape of a small washing machine and made of green enameled steel (picture a mini-washing machine circa 1967). Wiping off some dust with my sleeve, I discovered a manufacturer’s plate that read, “Hypersonic Miniaturization Transducer, Manufactured by Amalgamated Consolidated Corp., Parsipppany, New Jersey”

What the?!

A miniaturization machine?! Right here?! 3d Shrinky Dinks (® probably), here I come!

My first few attempts to use the machine were, shall we say, less than successful. Who knew that a miniaturization machine would need a 220V, 100-amp feed? Certainly not me. And as far as materials … let us just say that metals, plastics, and faux fur do not shrink at the same rate and leave it at that.

But then it hit me … printed matter!

Telegram business card

Telegram business card

I placed one of my telegram note cards into the machine and pushed the “Go” button with a screwdriver (the button was too small to be operated with my finger – odd, no?) and after the clanking, whirring, flashing lights, and general bouncing around of the machine finished, I opened the lid and revealed a perfectly miniaturized version! The machine had taken my note card and Shrunky Dunked (® probably) it to the size of a business card!*

And now I am able to offer these business card-sized telegrams to you for sale in my Etsy shop!

*Note, this story is fiction. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a spooky, gloomy basement.

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This entry was posted in Letterpress, Printed Matter, Social Stationery and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Telegram Miniaturization

  1. “Hypersonic Miniaturization Transducer, Manufactured by Amalgamated Consolidated Corp., Parsipppany, New Jersey” 😉 Nice!

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